I'm sorry my penis didn't work
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
