saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
