My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
