I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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