you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
