you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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