It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
