his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
