Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
