smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
