DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize