He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
