All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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