Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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