but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
