I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
