I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
