the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
