I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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