I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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