If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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