While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Drake has all the answers
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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