I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
