Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
