Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
