I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
