My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
