His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
