im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
