escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
