What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
