Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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