Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
