I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
