and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
