I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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