Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
