Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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