No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
