New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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