biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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