Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize