The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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