I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
