how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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