Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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