There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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