I wish my penis had an off switch
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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