You're my little dorito
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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