i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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