his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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