I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize