Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You ruined the universe
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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