You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
