You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
