Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
