she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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