Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
