you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
