No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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