Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
