Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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