Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
