Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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